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[personal profile] ravenswept
Anyone remember that YA thing I was working on, Butterfly Massacre? Anyone? No? Really?

Well, can't blame you, as I've been pretty mum about... well, most everything lately.

But as I think I've finally gotten most of my computer issues worked out - finally - I've been able to get back to poking at like one pokes a dead body with a stick. Namely, from a distance, ready to hightail it the moment it becomes the zombie you know its going to once it feels the prod of woodenness.

Angela, my fairly anti-Twilight anti-heroine, I've discovered, is very angry. As in, she doesn't just not suffer fools gladly, she'll go for the throat at the first acceptable instance - which, if she had her way, would normally involve a preemtive strike.

*total side note: Only Love on the Bombay Dreams musical is pretty haunting. Thank you, Pandora*

Okay, enough of that tangent. Angela; always ready to defenestrate someone. And you wouldn't want anything to happen to your fenestrates, would you? (bonus points to anyone who gets that reference).

Part of getting steady internet back is getting a mass of different blogs back, and small part of those were YA situated. The YA-female, like almost always, is constantly *ooooh, Van Canto's Pathfinder... sorry* being accused - usually with merit - of being weak willed, jelly-spined, and more than willing to move aside so the male-love interest can handle everything off screen during that important chapter where the female passes out somehow.

And in my head, amongst all the other voices, I see/hear Angela in similar situations; at school, one-on-one, whatever, and she is... wow, the girl has some *cough*hell*cough*fire in her.

Also something that's been a topic that I missed (or at least it seemed to be brought up a lot during the time I was going through stuff) was that of the Broken Bird. Trope it, I already lost a weekend to it and was not made better for it. Essentially, the BB is, nomially, a female who puts on the shade of a badass, but who trully is yearning for boy-parts to make her whole; be those parts simply his heart or more south is deteriminable by how quote-unquote shocking said work is trying to be.

But the main part is that BBs have a troubled past; something that, apropo, "broke" them. The thing they hide so later they can reveal it in a dramatic and soul-healing way to the love-interest to show how much they've bonded/trust him/how damaged she is so the dude can kiss it all better.

And this is important to me, because, if you tag-search past BM posts, Angela has a... *ahem* past. But what I want for her is to not have it define her; well, to the point that it already does. She doesn't share the story, but really, why should she? It's hers, and it's a hell of a story. Not only is it personal, it actually is the purpose to her hunt. And what I want to get across is that, this broke her long ago - but, she's already accepted and gotten over it.

She's been on Earth as a demon for, I gather, about 70-odd years. That's not counting the centuries spent in Hell, where she first got her bad news (no, going to Hell was not the bad part (you know, mostly)). So she's had, you might say, a bit of time to ponder and navel-gaze about her situation. So by the time my story commenses, she is well aware of the ramifications. She know's exactly why it happened. And she accepted it.

What she doesn't want, or even need, is someone to think that her anger, pride, and forthright want to knee people in the sack when they annoy her is that it's a show, a mask to hide insecurity or hurt. That simply by exposing herself, either literally or figuritively, in a moment of tension or weakness it can all be made better. It's simple; people annoy her. She's been alive - or at least, existed - long enough to just be exhausted with the multitude of stupid shit people do in the name of... whatever. And while she doesn't hate everyone or everything, she's bored with the act of not saying or acting upon how she feels.

Which is what drives the (BIG quotes here) "relationship" between her and Victor; she'd rather she be able to just kill him, take the penalty, and keep moving rather than deal with his douche-y act and presence. He brings nothing to her table than someone to protect, because he cannot handle what her world is about. And that pisses her off just a mite.

Which'll be good drama (I should be writing this downoh wait-) for them. But my writer voice, the one that only I hear, keeps whispering "broken bird syndrome" and I get the brain-hives thinking I'm following the trope by trying to not follow it.

But then I just tell myself, "Don't fucking write her stupid then". Also, "Get a Chipolte burrito", both being sound advice. And that's what it'll come down to; writing the story, and character, in a way that you can see why she's annoyed by most things around her, and having a full, steak-burrito filled stomach.

My fears for the character are only my own, and I have the ability to make sure she doesn't come off like so many others. To let her enjoy and relish her anger, her cynical bite, her wan-ton go-to impulse of "punch it first, ask it questions if it survives/finishes crying". And not make her unlikable. Because I'd hate to go so far to the other side of anti-Bella that I circle back on the problem.


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January 2013

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