12. A movie that you hate
Ooh, this one's gonna be fun. Okay, I need to think about this, make sure I get a good one.
Well, discounting bad movies, crap movies, films made that just suck, I'm kinda surprised by how little I give a crap about a lot of these films. Maybe it's just going to pick The Last Airbender
. Almost chose The Blind Side
, whose entire premise and feel-good themes I loathe in movies, but TLA will rile my feathers every time.
I tore into it
back when I first saw it, but I go over the finer asswipings this movie did.
Disregarding the race casting issue, the acting is atrocious
. If you're going to stick with your controversial casting, make sure they can back up your blostering about how good actors were chosen for the roles. At almost every turn Shayamalan proved this to not be, with fail spoken every time any of the core cast opened their mouths. I know who this character is, I don't need to hear about "the fucking library" every time he appears. Also, just because you show a character's trait from the show once doesn't mean you can't keep it going for the rest of the movie.
The pacing was shit, rushing through 660 minutes, 24 episodes, of story and plot and craming it into 90 minutes. I understand adaptation needs, but this just cut everything that wouldn't absolutely further the story, to the loss of humor, characterization, pathos, entertainment
Writing... oh sweet jeezus, the writing. This movie proves why Shayamalan is better a) when he only works on his own developments and b) when he has as little to do with writting and directoring as possible. He wrote, directed, and produced the film, and why Nickelodeon let him I'll never know. Why the show's creators weren't the
writers I'll never know. So much was spoken as narriation, and it didn't have to be. Hell, when it did it was useless anyway, because it told us things that either we were watching at the same time as the narriation
or just told us with for no reason. And humor, one of the things that helped make the show so good, was lost entirely, having one weak showing at the very beginning and then never seen again.
How much they changed did not help the film. Besides everything else, it's stupid to change basic core concepts from a pre-existing franchise. Just because it "makes more sense to you" doesn't mean jack shit, you shouldn't be making this film for "you", it's for everyone else. When you make everyone look like idiots for flapping about for twenty seconds to get only the most basic of special effects, you've done something wrong. When you have six people doing it to only get less than basic
, you've failed long before you started.
It's not just because I'm a fan of the show, this movie fails every which way you look. Having only a modeum of saving graces, none of which are good enough to make you say that the film is worth it for them, doesn't equal out the torrent of bile I feel for this. I hate this film for everyone it turned off from seeing the show. I hate that Shayamalan doesn't see or sense that no one liked it. I loathe Shayamalan for saying there are planned sequels, and that he's attached to them in any way.