As if

At some point I'm going to remember that I started this so that I could get my thoughts down, not to bottle them up and think about them in my head, then come online and just stare at a blank screen. Why is it you can seem to have the most profound thought going through your head at one moment, then when you come to the process of recording it you've got nothing?

I often wonder what I want to do with my life. Not just in the near future, but what to actually accomplish. I've thought about being a writer (and have gotten encouragement to do so), as well as an artist (same as before but with more people; this is more because the art is more seen, and my writing I've only let those I truly trust see) and on Tuesday decide I'll run for a government office. I have no consistency. I'm deluded to the point that nothing I think is long term.

Maybe my interests are too varied. I like a lot of things, and could easily do them longer then I may give my self credit for; the problem is the amount of my interest waxes and wanes more then the moon. If my interest falters, then I'm thinking about doing something else. Lather, rinse, repeat.

At various points in my random thought process, I usually end up circling back to either art or writing; or to be even more obtuse, creative ventures in whole. The rationale being, through more creative means I can express my ideas on those subjects that may interest me, and so change my style to what purpose I have need to adhere to. And lately I've been trying harder to accomplish that, mainly through writing. My art, while specialized and accredited as 'good' ("You should be a graphic artist") is not mainstream and would most likely be a more gallery type style. This being if I ever did anything of actual scale.

Writing...I know a few writers. Or wannabe writers anyway. Few have anything in print, half that do have it mainly on the internet, and only half of those are not on blogs. So many good ideas are out there but more and more don't think what they have is good enough. Worse, someone with no talent is used as a springboard for ideas, and that moron will relentless say that either 'That's stupid' or 'That's already been done'. Then no matter what you try to dissuade them against they remain stalwart in their opinion as not to be wrong. Both argument are becoming more and more pointless, it's-been-done even more so. Hollywood has reduced itself to either formula movies, sequels, or movies based on books. Too often all three are lumped together.

And I don't mean that to sound bad; I enjoy most of those movies, books ones often to see what the story looks like in moving media. What I wish to more of is original screenplays, something fresh; these are more and more being saved mainly for the big name directors to showcase an idea they've been holding one to.

I'm steering away from what I talking about before; writing, or more specifically, my lack of. I have the ideas in my head. I have the character; lord, I can go off on characters and create a more rich back history of a single person then the entirety of whatever I wanted to write about. My problem seems to lie in the manifestation of what I want to say. And this seems to be the base of the problem for most, in that what they want to say is more encompassing then the medium they chose to try to explain it upon.

A recent idea, for an example, is centered around military intelligence (don't worry, all the jokes have been used) and an off-shoot department I made up. I have a character I want to base the story around; I have a multitude of minor characters to use; what I need is a) a name for my main man, something I haven't been able to figure out for several months and b) a solid story line to plant and see grow. I've read of several authors who base their entire careers upon just coming up with a character, the basic first scene, then just making it up as they go; oh, sorry, 'seeing where the character takes them'. I could do this, but there are problems, one of which is I have several individual scenes already planned or in my head and not clue one as to how to string them all together. Second, more simple but just as derailing, it's just not how I work. I like having a plan, or at least a base line I can work off of. Just jumping into the story with little to no clue as how to swim is not my idea of fun

If I choose to overthink it, it could be said that it may be the best way currently; I'm having problems otherwise, how will doing what I don't normally do change the norm? I don't know the answer, but then maybe I just don't feel like coming up with one. I like how I work and doing something different may just throw me off.

....or instead I could be applying all this wordage above into actual story writing.