Un-marriage

Sep. 5th, 2010 11:56 am
ravenswept: (Default)
I've had marriage on my mind the past few days. Not mine of course, I'd need at least a girlfriend to even consider it, but the concept in general and those of a few friends of mine.

It comes up at all because the other day I got news that a childhood friend I had, and the son of friend's of the family since before I was out of diapers, was getting a divorce. And it was news to me, mainly because I've really only had contact with them, my friend and his wife, through Facebook (you know, the current villian, or at least Dragon, to LJ right now) and their words never betrayed anything wrong. Granted you can withhold as much as you want and put on a happy text, but there was really nothing that preceeded this news.

And it's sad, because they seemed (don't they all) happy with each other. I was at their wedding the summer before I moved, and it was a pretty big deal; fancy mansion reserved for the ceremony and reception, a hella lot of food (prepared by the bride's family), a video kiosk for making a congratulations vid, it was a double wedding with friends of theirs, rented old school limo carriages, the works. And every time I saw them they seemed to be in love.

All I found out, and I need to call her (the mother-friend who's keeping me informed) and find out more, is that apparently the wife has had four affairs - whether this counts as four seperate people or just four incidents is unknown - over the course of their three-to-four year marriage. Sad times, I liked them both. Loyalties go to the groom though, he and his family are who I got way back with.

I'm told he's happy now, having removed himself from the situation and making the decision to seperate; happier than he's been in a long time, which makes me wonder how happy he or they were in private.

Before all this and some years earlier, another friend of mine, this time from high school, got married too. This... was not a marriage I supported. For many reason. First, he was too young. He was, I want to say, twenty-two, but not really emotionally set for this level of commitment. He was the kind of person who acted like an adult, because that's how he though an adult should act, but wasn't really quite "acting" like an adult. It's not that I don't think people can't be married young and have it last, but he was just not ready.

Next, they had only known each for about six months, and had been living together for four of those months. To me, for them, much too soon. Again, he was acting how he thought an adult should act, part of that brought on because his to-be wife was some seven years older than him, and had already been married once before. Again, I'm not against short courtships, but for them it was just not something I could support.

Then there just a bunch of smaller things that seemed off about the whole deal. She wanted him to change his name. Not "take her name", but have him change his last name to something else because his last name reminded her too much of an old boyfriend (who's first name was close to my friend's last name) and she would take that. There was also how fast the whole thing came about. From decision, to prep, to date it all came together in a way that seemed like they were rushing towards something but there not being any deadline. She wasn't pregnant, neither was moving anywhere, but still the wedding "needed" to be soon.

As bad as it sounds, myself and few friends started a divorce pool betting on long we thought the marriage would last. We supported them, despite our reservations, but weren't keeping up any false hope.

Their marriage lasted a year. It didn't end well, there was a lot of fighting, and while I think they're on ammicable terms now, it was an ugly seperation. And again, as bad as it sounds, I place a lot of the blame on his shoulders. He had been warned. He, supposedly, knew what he was getting into (I don't truly believe he did). And it was a lot of mainly his decisions after the fact, much of which I found out later, that were what led to the final outcome.

In part because of this, my mind has wandered to the thought of marriage and where I stand on it. My ranking is pretty low. No real love life to speak of. My last real girlfriend is already taken, no real love life to speak of, and I don't really have any game to take with me should I even go out. There is something of a bit of a crush. But nothing that looks like that kind of relationship - or any kind of relationship - on the horizon.

Eh, I'm just gonna depress myself if I keep thinking along those lines, and I've already gone more emo in a few posts than I've wanted to.

Still, I'm sad for my friend. His marriage is ending for reasons he had no control over, and seperating from someone I think he really did love and trusted, and that trust was abused. More than once.
ravenswept: (Default)
16. Do you write romantic relationships? How do you do with those, and how “far” are you willing to go in your writing? ;)

Yes, with words, and all the way if necessary.

Oh, you want more? Fine...

I don't shy away from romance in my stories, but neither am I going to go out of my way to include one just because. It does need reason, and saying "well I have a male main character and a female main character, they should hook up" does not cut it with me.

Currently, I do have a story where romance is part of the main plot, the Noir one. The story is centered on Rachel, head don of her mafia organization, keeping her business life seperate from her new love life with a city detective. Wow, that's kinda cliched, now that I actually write that out, but I'm having fun seeing how close I can keep these two stories together without completelying crossing them. She's assertive and has always gone after what she wants, so when she wants to pursue a relationship like this, she maintains as much control over every situation as she can to be happy. Rachel walks a thin line when she talks about her work, using phrases that are technically true but have much different meanings than what the boyfriend assumes (he needs a name too), and keeping her two lives seperate. She's well aware of the concequences, but continues on anyway because she does actually love him.

I think I do alright with relationships and romance, in that they don't come off as hackneyed (I hope -.-;). When this element does come up, I'll make it as natural as I can and not "easy"; you know, "I've only seen you once, I love you long time" "I love you too, but I'm going to pretend I don't for one or more books because that's called tension and we don't have any if acted on our obvious emotions". There are fights, flirting, passion, sublty, all the things that make up real relationships. It's not easy (all the time).

As for how "far" (why is that parahesised, you want to add a "nudge-nudge, wink-wink" to that too?) I'll go, I'll go as far as the story needs and allows. So if sex needs to be seen, I'll be as tactful as I can while maintaining as much emotion as the scene needs, but depending on the story I'm not going to start having characters act different just because hormones are taking over. I'm not going to throw in a sex scene because "OMG dat's hot", because that's just pandering to the voyeur demographic. I'm not writing erotica (unless, of course, I am) so there's no point in having something that doesn't help the plot.

I've written these kind of stories before, they're fun and challenging to attempt now and again, so I'm not uncomfortable with the prospect of it. And I won't shy away from relationships forming. But overall, I'd rather not have characters whose only purpose is to be pined after and eventually bedded, because they tend to be flat and boring. Sex is boring without the passion behind it. And there's no passion in "My groin yerns for you"/"I'm attracted to you being attacted to me!".
ravenswept: (Default)
He twirled the rose again, wondering if he was overthinking the whole thing. Sitting in the large hotel lobby, he looked around as people went about their business, checking in, carrying bags, while he just sat in the middle of it all on a plush couch, hunched over staring at the blue rose in his hands.

Blue was her favorite color, he knew that. One of the few details about her he did know, hell he didn't even know what to look for when she got there. How he got to this point seemed like a blur, he hardly remembered being invited down to finally visit, let alone the few months prior getting to know each other through sporatic messages online. There was some kind of connection, else he wouldn't have flown down; there had to be, right?

He studied the rose; he knew blue meant eternal love - or was that everlasting love? - and hoped that she didn't. He had merely wanted the bold color, to make a good first impression, to impress her, not make any declariations.

God, this was all a mistake, what was he even doing here? He didn't know thing one about this city, it was why he was sitting like a putz in this hotel waiting to meet her. He wasn't about to get lost trying to find her; they also didn't want that kind of knowledge, where each other lived. Not yet (ever?); let's just start with dinner and whatever else the night brings. Where is she, is she late, was he early, he shouldn't have let the hair-lady gel his hair, it said he was trying to hard, maybe he should just -

"Um, excuse me? Are you [censored]?"

He looked up, catching her eyes immediately. Shit. She was beautiful. Damnit, he knew he should've sprung for a nicer shirt.

"Yeah, yeah, that's me. [Censored], right?" Real names were so awkward, never used much before. But online handles would've made the whole thing even weirder, so they had both agreed to forego them and let each other know the first big thing about themselves.

This, would be the next big thing.

"Yep. Sorry about the time, traffic was weird on the way over."

"No problem, I was just... sitting here. It's a nice lobby and all. How'd you know it was me?"

She giggled, a hand brushing through hair that wasn't out of place anyway. Great, either he was on the right track or had just said something incredibly stupid. "Well, you said you'd be waiting with a rose, and being you're the only guy here, waiting, with a rose, I just figured..." Stupid, definitely stupid.

"Right, right." He held it out. "For you, by the way."

She looked a bit wide eyed, surprised by the small gift, her hand gently accepting it. A hand, he noted, that was surprising smooth. "Thank you." She turned it this way and that, inspecting it like a jewel. "It's beautiful, I love the color." She blushed when she mentioned the color; oh god, did she know the rose color rules?

"So," she said, searching the lobby with her eyes, rocking a bit on her heels, "what do we do now? Are there any plans, or were we just gonna play it by ear? Cause, you know, whatever works for you, you're the one visiting and everything, I just though, you know, hehe." She was embarrassed, he knew this already.

"Yeah, right, plans." He looked around himself, letting his eyes come back to rest on her. "Well, the concierge did help me find a small restaurant not far from here, and it's not going to blow my budget; is an Asian fusion place okay?"

"It's fine. Anything after?"

"Um, that's up to you really, I'm kinda hoping to make it through the meal without you leaving after getting to know me." She laughed, a good sign. "I figured if we make it that far, then we could just see where we end up. I guess there's some kind of street thing going on? We could wander that, you know, just... see where we end up." He felt like an idiot.

"Sounds nice." He looked up; she had a small smile. She was as nervous as he was, but seemed okay with everything so far. He really wanted this to go well, wanted the night to go well, and she seemed willing to give him a chance. Don't screw it up, don't screw it up, don't screw it up, don't -

"Let's get going then." He offered his arm. He regretted it immediately, and almost took it back, but she stole it before he was able.

"Let's." He smiled, and led the way.

***

They stood outside the hotel door, the carpeted silence muting everything around them. Neither said anything, didn't know quite what to say. Both wanted to, but the words, for once, escaped them.

"Do you... want to come in?" His voice was low, searching. Just because everything else had gone well, the chance to still dork everything up was still on the table. But he felt good about asking, especially when she squeezed the hand they'd been holding for the past five minutes.

"For coffee? Or a nightcap? Is that what they usually ask?" her eyes saying yes, even if her mouth didn't.

"Honestly?"

"Hmm, mm?"

"I don't really need a pretense." He reached behind, fumbling with the keycard, but managing to open the door without looking, and took a step inside. He kept a hold of her hands, the rose of the night trapped between their palms, but didn't pull. If she wanted to, was ready for this, then he was going to let her enter on her own.

Still, he was a little surprised when she followed right in step with him, not even hestiating to be led inside. The door closed on it's own.

His hands shook, gently taking the rose from her and setting it on the dresser; not from fear, but from the tick of electricity they'd both been feeling since the kiss at the fountain. He didn't want to rush anything, but both wanted more. Holding hands was only going to last so long.

Her purse slid to the floor, not unforgotten but no longer needed. In a quick move he had her pressed against the wall, both hands cradling her hips, one slipping under the blouse to touch warm skin. The kiss was harder, more hungry than the previous. Her arms were around his in the same instant, holding him close, not letting him away for air. It had been a good night.

He finally pulled back, teasing her as she kept trying to pull his lips into another kiss, pulling back every time she went forward. Their bodies were pressed tight together, each could feel the heat coming off the other. She gasped as his hands went along her sides, barely skimming up along her ribs. At some point during the kiss she'd managed to unbutton his shirt; time to return the favor. He pulled up on the fabric, hoping, but not caring, to not rip the material as it came up and over her head. He didn't take it off all the way, instead getting it all the way just before the sleeves became removed, leaving her wrists trapped together, and her at his mercy.

He held her arms above her head with one hand, snaking the other to the small of her back and pulled her into another kiss, lighter and multiplied. She went flush against him, a leg darting out and wrapping around his so he couldn't move further away. The raised arm came down, bringing her tighter to him, and her arms, still cuffed by her blouse, incircled his neck, pulling his lips back to meet, again and again.

Finally, they just stood there, foreheads softly touching as they gently rocked together to unheard music.

"We should..." He had slight moment of panic. Too fast, damn it, he knew it, god, he had just fucked himself over all because- "...probably take a shower." Idiot! Stop overthinking this!

"Right," he said, not loosening himself in the least. "Shower." He felt the blouse finally give her up, falling in a heap next to the forgotten purse, her smooth hands raking through his hair as they shared another tender kiss.

"Share?" she offered. He saw her wiry smile, matching it with his own.

"You sure? You don't have to..."

"No. I don't." She pushed off from the wall, her hands travelling down his arms to pull at his, leading to the bathroom. "But I want to." She met his eyes, a mix of trust, lust, and something else he was slightly afraid of, but wanted none the less.

He let her tug him forward.

It had been a good night.

...whoa...

Oct. 27th, 2006 10:27 pm
ravenswept: (Default)
I've had a most...interesting night. After getting off work I proceeded to kill time by first going to an arcade, and when sufficent funds had been sacrificed I then made my way to the local Barnes & Noble. Why noble is out numbered by barnes I'm not sure, but I think the answer lies with trade secrets and a garbage bag tied to a large rock located in a unnamed river in an unnamed city.

Anyway, I walk around a collect a small number of books to read with no intention of buying, but do validate the trip with the purchase of Evanescence's new dropped album, the Open Door. I got lucky and managed to snag one of the fluffy chairs near a window and proceed to read.

For those who are more visual, there was a small coffee-type table upon which my feet rested, the window ledge that held my books that weren't mine, and another padded lounge chair across the table that held in it's unholstered maw a gentleman of about 60, 65, who was himself amists' reading or talking on his cell to who I believe to be one of his offspring.

Then, inexplicably, I happen to look up. This girl, fairly cute I think - hey, it was dark outside and I was dealing with inside glare - waves to me, bends over, blows me a kiss, winks and continues her way down the sidewalk. I was, honestly, a bit stunned. I don't consider myself to be that attractive; average maybe, but worthy of what just happened? I glanced over to the gentleman across from me, and realized he had paused in mid conversation with a loved one to watch what had just occured.

"You just got blown a kiss there"

"Yes," I said, still stunned. "Yes, I did."

"Did you know her?"

I could only shake my head, peering around the window as much as I could to see it maybe I could catch another glimse. While this event did put a little flutter in the chest area, I did nothing with such material and just continued reading, looking back down the window as if she would again appear. Had I any courage, I should have gotten up and followed outside, see if maybe this wasn't an isolated occurance. But no, I did no such thing, instead passing it off as chance and saying to myself that it would be a waste to not use the large stockpile of wimp and spineless I seemed to have hidden in storage.

Damn.

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