30 DoM: Day 4

4. A movie that makes you sad

I don't know if it does anymore or not, as I haven't seen it in years, but I remember The Secret Garden made me teary eyed. Maybe it was because I really young, but there were a couple of scenes that just made me really sad.

Autobrain

This piece was a very strange experience to write. Not because I have any problems with the themes or characters or anything, but that I think I blanked on how most it coming about. I remember typing, but very much lost myself in its creation until the fact that I realized it was four in the morning (having started at ten) and this was suddenly in front of me.

I'm not sure I like not being aware of myself when I write. It's one of the reasons I'm not and never have been anything more than a social drinker at best, and a lightweight at that. I like having my senses about me, so while having that blurred feeling of slowed movement works for some people, I hate knowing that I no longer have that sharpened sense.

And it's not that I'm mad at the time loss. There have been plenty of times I've sat down to write and suddenly it's hours later. The problem this time is the loss of the sense of writing itself. I want to be aware of the words and characters. I want to have multiple voices in my head arguing over how they'd be better represented.

Maybe it was just from writing so late and not sleeping particularly well lately. Who knows. But the story itself was a strange end to a kinda weird day anyway, so why not add to the oddity?

As for the story itself, I kinda like it. It's not like anything else I've attempted before, and the characters seem like they'll be a lot of fun to engage with. Erilina Crow seems like very much someone who will get her way regardless of how you feel about it, and it's interesting to see how much power and control she actually has and exactly how she's willing to exert it. Kelli I'm still trying to get a grasp of, she's very much still an unidentifible, in what I know of her and her character itself. Almost going through the motions, but not sure what the motions are, a mass of unsure emotions and tangled ideas. Which I'm sure Erilina will enjoy straightening to her enjoyment.

I'm trying to figure out how far exactly I'm going to go with it; and I'm pretty sure it's going to go somewhere, I've a bit of a lull in my other projects at the moment, so indulging in something that's actually doing something isn't going to hurt matters. But with stories like this there's always a line at some point that you don't know if you want to really cross or not. And more often than not, you usually don't realize if you have crossed it until you're looking behind you and all you see are footprints.

Even with this first entry, it flirts close to being very brazen about the material therein, but still holds it back from being in your face about it. Yes, the themes and such aren't exactly subtle after a certain point, but it still never outright states that that's what it's telling you, which I like. In a way it feels very much like Scarred, a slow exploration of a life changing experience as it happens to a character, an experience beyond the standard "coming of age" or "finding one's place in the world" events that one usually finds on shelves.

I'm interested to see where this goes and far it will go. And Erilina just seems like she'll be a fun bitch to write for.