Rules of Appearing on Reality Television

Observations, applying mainly to competition shows.

• You are not "too good" for this show; you did sign up after all
  
• Don't argue with the judges, you're there for a reason
  
• By all means, however, do stand up for yourself
  
• Don't be a douchebag; you're on national television
  
• Yes, you're here to win; you and everyone else
  
• Always be ready for a twist; always expect there to be a catch at any point
  
• Editing; the show will make you appear to be whoever they want you to be, but just remember you gave them the footage to work with
  
• Stand behind your work, you put it out there
  
• Don't say "This isn't what I do/I'm not a [specific profession title]" you knew what you were getting into
  
• Just because you won, doesn't mean you won't go home tomorrow
  
• Just because you were on the bottom doesn't mean you can't win tomorrow
  
• It doesn't matter what awards you've won, what big name you've worked for, or really anything outside what happens on this show; all that matters is the next thing in front of the judges
  
• A team challenge means you work as a team; make your presence known, but don't be dead weight or a dictator (aka, don't be a dick)
  
• You weren't just randomly picked off the street, so stop acting so surprised when a curveball is thrown
  
• Realize what the show is about and come prepared; have more than one flexible idea waiting in the wings
  
• Know that it's going to get stressful pretty quickly; take a deep breath and get over it
  
• Don't harp on the hardships of your life; it may endear you to the audience, but you're not going to get the pity vote for it
  
• You're not going to win every challenge, so don't even say that
  
• Make what you want and like and can be proud of, but know that you can't be the only one who thinks so
  
• Don't be boring; that's worse than being bad
  
• If a group decision gets you sent to the bottom, don't whine about it, they don't care; survive, and come back next time with something they can't deny
  
• You may well have to work with or for children at some point; make peace with that
  
• You may well have to make something to the demands of an irritating client; don't let yourself get steamrolled, but think about which side of the bitch-card you want to be on
  
• Be honest; if you make a mistake, own up to it
  
• Saying "It's a game/competition" doesn't excuse you from being an asshole
  
• Be cool; lend a helping hand if you can (especially if they helped you first), but don't be so nice that it's a detractment to your own work
  
• One really great thing is better than two okay things
  
• Know that it can be to your advantage to make multiple offerings, when making only one will be seen as playing it safe
  
• When possible, do play up to the judges; just don't be obvious or repeatative
  
• If you leave, and your exit interview has you saying you "still had tricks up your sleeve", that's why you're going home; don't hold back any tricks if you have them (and are able to use them)
  
• A gimmick or quirk can only be used so many times before it's boring and/or annoying
  
• Plan for everything; expect nothing
  
• If you have immunity on a team challenge, let someone else take point; you aren't going anywhere, let others take the reins when you have nothing to lose (however, don't slack or be silent)
  
• Don't be so egotistical to think your tastes are above/more refined than that of your judges; if you were really that good, you wouldn't be on the bottom
  
• If your strengths are only to a specific narrow niche, why did you think you could compete in this varied commerical setting?
  
• Realize taking a risk can be good, but it has to pay off to be worth anything
  
• If the guest judge is Wylie Dufrense, make an egg dish