![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravensweptUnexpectedly, I find myself back at my parents home for the Thanksgiving holidays. Originally, I was only to be here for the past weekend, my roommate coming up to have an early Thanksgiving with his family that would be busy on the actual holiday, and I tagged along to get a chance to see my parents since I most likely wasn't going to be able to come up myself. Then on Saturday, the night before I was to catch the ride back, they offered to keep me here for another week and send me back on Sunday. So here I am.
Slightly annoying is that I only packed for four days and since I'm flying back I don't know how much of what I brought is going to make it back; I forget how solids/liquids hold up on airlines nowadays, and I'm going to try not to check anything. But I'll figure that out later.
Unfortunately, for those I'm betaing for, that means I don't have my computer with me to keep working on them, so those are going to be delayed from me. I am really sorry, but had I known I was going to be staying, I would've brought the laptop with me to keep working on them. As is, I'm hoping to do what I can here, but the process is slowed extremely.
It's kinda strange being back here. While I was back home back in May, it was it's own visit and my life was in a different place. Right now, I'm kinda in a headspace of not having been home, and really feeling it, for almost two years now. Fifteen months in Virginia, a little over eight months in Portland, and right now I'm out here, in the middle of the country with little ambient noise around me, surrounded by things that haven't changed much since I left and I'm not sure how exactly I'm going to go forward.
I'm still trying to figure out what exactly it is I want out of what I'm doing. And figure out what it is I'm doing, because I don't know if I could give you an answer if you asked me right now.
I'm not in a bad headspace, nor am I depressed. But being back home, almost like taking a step back, is big shift of perspective. It's entirely possible if I don't get something cemented I'll be living back here in a few months. Then it really will be a step backward, but I haven't figured out if that step is me losing my balance and falling back, or if it's just bracing for a stronger move forward.
It's snowing right now, has been on and off all day. Not heavy, and what's on the ground is pretty dry anyway, but I definitely feel the sameness and comfort of being back in my parent's house. Things I haven't thought of for years coming back like I haven't left, remembering how it was. And I don't know if I like the feeling or not. I guess that referring to it as my parent's house is pretty telling; it's not what I call "home" anymore, so that's something. But then I'm still trying to figure out if where I am is home either. With nothing I'm truely gunning for, I feel this ackward sense of existing, not living day to day but just going from day to day.
My roommate hates Spokane, hates almost everything about it. For him it's too slow, nothing really going on, not big enough, too stagnant. And he's right, it really is all those things. But, and you never know if this is a compliament or not, it is comfortable. You know how it works, and that it's not really going to get "exciting". I've described it as a place where you do really only one of two things; raise a family or retire. It's not a bad place, not like how my roommate likes to see it, but neither is it a place where you're going to be doing a whole lot.
I think I just dislike this feeling of floating. Not knowing what I want or where to go, so I'm just going to wherever it is I end up. Being very self aware means that I'm well aware of my own flaws and what it is I most likely should do. Rationale makes for wonderful advice. But right now, being aware of what I need to do doesn't mean I necessarily know what it is I need to do. And that's annoying as hell.
I think that since I had so much fun going through Disney animation, based mostly on my own knowledge of the various films and proceedure and personal opinion/tastes (most research was for dates and box office figures), that I'm gonna do my next post on the works of DreamWorks Animation. Seems like it'll be fun times.
Slightly annoying is that I only packed for four days and since I'm flying back I don't know how much of what I brought is going to make it back; I forget how solids/liquids hold up on airlines nowadays, and I'm going to try not to check anything. But I'll figure that out later.
Unfortunately, for those I'm betaing for, that means I don't have my computer with me to keep working on them, so those are going to be delayed from me. I am really sorry, but had I known I was going to be staying, I would've brought the laptop with me to keep working on them. As is, I'm hoping to do what I can here, but the process is slowed extremely.
It's kinda strange being back here. While I was back home back in May, it was it's own visit and my life was in a different place. Right now, I'm kinda in a headspace of not having been home, and really feeling it, for almost two years now. Fifteen months in Virginia, a little over eight months in Portland, and right now I'm out here, in the middle of the country with little ambient noise around me, surrounded by things that haven't changed much since I left and I'm not sure how exactly I'm going to go forward.
I'm still trying to figure out what exactly it is I want out of what I'm doing. And figure out what it is I'm doing, because I don't know if I could give you an answer if you asked me right now.
I'm not in a bad headspace, nor am I depressed. But being back home, almost like taking a step back, is big shift of perspective. It's entirely possible if I don't get something cemented I'll be living back here in a few months. Then it really will be a step backward, but I haven't figured out if that step is me losing my balance and falling back, or if it's just bracing for a stronger move forward.
It's snowing right now, has been on and off all day. Not heavy, and what's on the ground is pretty dry anyway, but I definitely feel the sameness and comfort of being back in my parent's house. Things I haven't thought of for years coming back like I haven't left, remembering how it was. And I don't know if I like the feeling or not. I guess that referring to it as my parent's house is pretty telling; it's not what I call "home" anymore, so that's something. But then I'm still trying to figure out if where I am is home either. With nothing I'm truely gunning for, I feel this ackward sense of existing, not living day to day but just going from day to day.
My roommate hates Spokane, hates almost everything about it. For him it's too slow, nothing really going on, not big enough, too stagnant. And he's right, it really is all those things. But, and you never know if this is a compliament or not, it is comfortable. You know how it works, and that it's not really going to get "exciting". I've described it as a place where you do really only one of two things; raise a family or retire. It's not a bad place, not like how my roommate likes to see it, but neither is it a place where you're going to be doing a whole lot.
I think I just dislike this feeling of floating. Not knowing what I want or where to go, so I'm just going to wherever it is I end up. Being very self aware means that I'm well aware of my own flaws and what it is I most likely should do. Rationale makes for wonderful advice. But right now, being aware of what I need to do doesn't mean I necessarily know what it is I need to do. And that's annoying as hell.
I think that since I had so much fun going through Disney animation, based mostly on my own knowledge of the various films and proceedure and personal opinion/tastes (most research was for dates and box office figures), that I'm gonna do my next post on the works of DreamWorks Animation. Seems like it'll be fun times.
no subject
on 2010-11-23 05:42 am (UTC)As for the beta thing, no problem at my end. Shit happens, time passes, and a few more days won't hurt.
no subject
on 2010-11-23 07:20 am (UTC)Iroincally, my mom has some homemade Kahula, as well as some "sock-you-in-the-gut" hard punch.