A Boy and His Dog
Feb. 1st, 2011 10:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravensweptThat isn't some hip jive title. It's not a snappy, pseudo allagorical pun or some random statement that will only have meaning later. Nor is it a straightforward announcement of what you are about to read.
A Boy and His Dog is a 1975 post-apocolyptic sci-fi movie. With telepathic dogs, whiplash inducing third acts, and a unrepentant rapist as your main character.
What the hell did I just watch.
***
What.
The fuck.
Here's the quick rundown on how this even came about; I, my roommate, and friend of ours had tried to go get sushi; that's didn't pan out. We go to the friend's place, have buffalo seqwers (which were excellent), and eventually we watched some TV. He has Netflix, so we watched some Bizarre Foods (Putcak, Thailand, and Hawaii), and then my roommate got a hold of the remote. What made him pick this movie, I'll never know, but we watched it.
Movie Summary
God, I don't even... alright. Here goes.
The first things we see is just a montage of a bunch of atomic bomb explosions. Then two quick blurbs that have absolutely nothing to do with each other; "World War IV lasted five days" and "Politicians have figured out how to remove urban blight". The first one, while irrelivant, at least figures into the movie. The second has shit one to do with anything that follows.
Set in an alternative history (we know this because it's mentioned that Kennedy survived his assassination and that after one new president, his legacy went on to take the next five or six terms; also, for a precise date (as if you would even come close to caring), an alternative title for the movie was Apocolypse:2024) the world is almost nothing but desert. People (overwhelmingly male), struggle to survive in harsh conditions, many digging down into bunkers to escape the heat. Also, just to bring you up to speed here, it seems that most everything is covered in sand, because those bunkers are actually buried buildings of various kinds.
Ourheros main focus is Vic, (played by one Don Johnson (yes, that guy)) a 18-year old young man and his mongrel dog, "Blood" (played by on "Tiger"; hey, the dog apparently was a big name, he has his own Wiki even). Blood is the result of genetic experimentation that went on somewhere before the BOOM, and is now highly intelligent (most likely the most intelligent thing on the planet), can communicate telepathically, but has lost his instincts to forage for food because of this. He and Vic share some wavelength or something, because Vic is the only one who understands him and/or the only one Blood will talk to. Vic... is a horrible person. Our first scene of him is him sneaking into a bunker where a woman is found cut up and naked, probable rapists having just left. His sentiments; why did they cut her up, she could've been used "at least" three more times.
Vic's whole reason for living, turns out, is to get laid. Blood helps with this, by being able to scan or sniff out females, of which few are still alive; I guess the theory is that while the menfolk were out at war, the womens were bombed by the mutually assured destruction, so... yeah. But while Blood wants (or at least says he wants) to look for better pasture, where he calls "Over the Hill", Vic believes this is as good as it gets and doesn't want to leave his beloved barren wasteland.
This is so very much a no-budget 70's movie. The first third is absolute filler, nothing happens, it's vaguely scene setting but nothing happens, and really you only grow to hate Vic and everything he is. He steals food (granted from a slaver, but still), his only thought is finding his next piece of ass, and really that's it. Blood, being smart, tries to impress upon him facts and history, but doesn't see the point. It's a crapsack world, but why you would root for this guy is just mind boggeling.
Anyway, back to theplot what happened next. Vic and Blood go to the movies (no, really; apparently, no only is there a working projector in the middle of God's asscrack, but someone is actually smart enough to figure out how to work it, and apparently there's electricity. I can't explain this) in what seems to be the only real permanant gathering anywhere close (oh, and the movie is a what looks like a homemade porno with less budget than even this film and degraded into little more than the occasional yellowed outline and some scenes that make old black and white grain look like Inception called "Fistful of Rawhide") to do... nothing. Really, they go to the movies because there is little else to do.
Blood, at Vic's ever present badgering, finds that one of the patrons is female. She's breathing, which is good enough for Vic, and they follow her to another bunker. I'll mention quick that "screamers" live there, but what they are and what they do is never mentioned. If anything, they're the coolest part of this movie, but only because they sound so much more awesome than what we're actually watching, even a Z-grade level monster costume would make it better. I'm getting off track again...
Okay, Vic goes down into what I guess is a warehouse of some kind (I thought it was a high school myself, but Wiki says otherwise), where for some reason the girl decided to get naked. It might've been a locker room, there were lockers around her, except a) she wasn't wet so she didn't bath, b) you never saw her until this point so you don't know why she changed, and c), most importantly, being a 70's movie there needed to be a part where you saw 70's titties. Here you go. Oh, and some 70's bush if the light's right. All for the people, baby.
For some stupid ass reason, Vic waits until she's almost completely redressed to attack; he has two pistols and a rifle, as well as total surprise, and he waited until, you know what, fuck it. He grabs her, there's a quick little wrestling, and he points a gun at her and tells her to undress. *headdesk* I guess while the movie needed some boob action, they were on a strict booby allowence, and they needed to save for the sex scene later, I don't know.
He starts to be Rapey McRapist, when Blood sense that they are surrounded by a gang of... somebody. Raiders, good as anything. Well, it doesn't matter really, we know that they have a dog of their own (I guess all dogs now are of the telepathic kind?) who I guess was the one who found the female as well, so basically it's a pussy fight. Vic manages to kill several of them as they try to enter, while Blood gets into a fight with the other dog, breaking a leg and getting some good gashes, but lives. I mentioned the screamers eariler; Vic uses the fact that everyone is a moron and starts to make screamer... screams. It scares off the raiders, allowing him to win. Except that as he pats himself on the back and starts to get back to his penis poking, the screamers really do show up. So he, Blood and the girl (named Quilla June, whatever) hide in a blower room filled with mattresses. Why there are mattresses in there, or why is it so perfect, I don't know, but really are you even paying attention? It's sexing time!
Yes, Quilla is all "You tried to rape me, but then you killed other men so you wouldn't have to share, so now I love you" on him, and they bump uglies. At least three times, it's implied a lot of time goes by and we get the wonderful image of the mattress Blood is lying on shaking. Lovely.
Moving on. Quilla talks about where she's from, a place called "Down Under" and wants Vic to come with her. Vic says no, but seems to have second thoughts at the same time (the second thoughts coming from the only head he uses in this film), while Blood doesn't trust her. At some point Vic is knocked unconcious by Quilla (why at this point is just another drop in the bucket) who runs off, but leaves behind a keycard to get into the Down Under.
Why, exactly, I don't know, but Vic decides to go after her. Or to her. Or... something. Blood really doesn't Vic to go, refusing to follow, but says he'll stay by the door for a few days before leaving on his own to "Over the Hill". Vic goes in.
I'll mention this quick, because it's one of those things you question as you watch; the world is covered in sand or dust or whatever. Everything is buried. Okay, I'll go with that. The enterance into the Down Under is a metal electronic keycarded door on the surface of the dirt, no digging or anything. Why is this door here? How did the people who built it know where the sand would level off? It's a metal rhomboid in the metal of a fucking desert, why is no one camping out to see when someone enters/leaves?
So Vic enters and climbs down what looks like what might have been an empty missle silo. My guess was it was an old James Bond set no one was using. He wanders around past a lot of electronic crap, lots of pipes, in and out of hallways and doors, never seeing anyone at all, and I keep asking myself "how does he know where he's going? Better yet, why is he not lost?"
Yes, I know, this is hardly a "summary" anymore, but I can't shorten this, I'm just trying my best to comprehend what I experienced last night.
This is where things go batshit. Vic goes through one door (or walked into it, I'm still not sure) and comes to a speaker on post, talking (what exactly it says at any given point it hard to say, it's incredibly difficult to make out what it's saying clearly) to seemingly a cemetary.
And then we cut to Vic be man-handled in a bathtub. Seriously, what the fuck movie?!
I'm not kidding, we go from kinda quiet, dark cemetary straight to Vic getting a scrub down in a bathtub by a large man dressed in Hee-Haw overalls and plaid shirt with straw hat, wearing white mime and rosy cheek makeup? And everyone watching him getting bathed is wearing the makeup? And we get all these scenes of suburban 50's lifestyle with a marching band in the middle of potluck, and everyone is wearing the makeup and the speaker is going nonstop, and CHIRST WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! We entered another movie, that it's it's a totally different movie. There's no comprehension, just some fucked up director Alzheimer's, where he forgot what the fuck movie he was making just one scene ago?!
Okay, calm down, deep breaths... okay, whoo, alright.
Ahem.
Vic, now dressed in identical Hee-Haw wear wanders the pot-luck looking shingdig, followed closely by the large guy who constantly makes him keep walking, because Vic is constantly trying to see everything around him (mainly the many, manyboobies pussy ladies around him). He also sees and pets a dog, which is then picked up by the large guy (his name is Micheal, by the by) and again pushed on.
Cut to some dour looking people (made impossible to take seriously with that freaking mime makeup on) reciting a bunch of boring rules, regulations and/or laws. Three of them are in power, called the Committee, running the underground "city" of Topeka, one of whom Quilla is the daughter of. Turns out it was her plan all along to lure Vic down to the Down Under, by order of her father. Boring dialog later, the whole deal with them is they've been down there for some long unknown time, most likely before the fallout above. They keep things strict and orderly, and the Committee is power mad, killing off anyone who is deemed a possible threat in any given way, by way of "accidents" or "sent to the farm". But a side effect of them being down in the artifical world so long is the guys are sterile. I'd question why only the men are sterile but the women still fertile, but I'm long past giving a crap. They need Vic, or Vic's sperm really, to keep up their way of life by impregnanting 35 of their women.
(oh, almost forgot, the dog I mentioned in the pot-luck? He was sentenced to death, because I guess he too was a telepathic dog and the Committee insists that the dog tell them whatever he told Vic. The dog never talks (ever) so it looks like a crazy man demanding things of a small dog, but hey, it's his underground distopia and he'll do what he wants)
This, of course, delights the hell out of Vic, who sees it as all the sexing he could want, and is gun-ho about it. Cut to him bound, gagged, and hooked up to what can only be called a milker, with a sour looking wedding going on just inches away. He is to be milked, and when the women are cum-flushed, he'll be killed. First good thing I've heard about him.
Quilla, meanwhile, is quite angry with Daddy. She was told (aka lied to her face) that by going topside and bringing back Vic (why him imparticular I don't know, but it is actually him specifically they're after (it makes sense (sorta) when you remember pointless scenes from the beginning)) she would be made part of the Committee; and she will "when a position opens", meaning that she's gonna get married off to shut the fuck up woman. She and three of her friends want to kill the Committee and take the power, but they need Vic and his guns. As we're soon shown, they can easily get the guns themselves, so why they need him at all I still don't understand, but I'll run with it, there's only fifteen minutes left.
Quilla frees Vic from his penis pump, and they cause a minor panic by running down the middle of a hallway full of people and yelling; almost over, almost over. But not before Vic grabs a bunch of random bottles and jars from the room he was kept in; maybe it's just the foraging way, grabbing what he can, but nothing he grabbed looked at all usefull and he wouldn't know what to do with any of it anywayI'm giving this too much thought.
So they get his guns back while Quilla explains the plan to kill Micheal first, since he's the muscle ("Kill him, don't just wound him") and then the Committee and then Quilla will rule them all, bwah-ha-ha-ha. Ha. Vic doesn't give a shit, and wants to just leave. He is, however, willing to take Quilla with him. Why exactly... well, which head does he think with?
In typical 70's fashion, they run past a pre-set lamp and chairs, and hide behind some trashcans, well in view of the chairs. Quilla's friends, three guys who get no names and are useless anyway, also "hide" well within sight (and indeed, short walking distance of) the chairs. The three Committee members come out, hardly fazed at all by what's happened so far, sit down and begin to read aloud. They read off the deaths of the group with little less care of telling a five-year old "that's nice dear". Micheal then begins to kill the group, hardly going far at all, and crushes their heads (not even some nice fake heads and goop, I feel cheated) as they don't even try to run away. Take a page from Night of the Living Dead, Micheal doesn't run but kinda stumbles forward in a somewhat quick manner while Vic and Quilla run, but that hardly gives them any distance. Vic shots Micheal many, many, many times, but doesn't seem to affect him at all ("He's a goddamn robot!" yells my friend). Finally Vic get him in the leg, which is apparently Micheal's weak spot, and he falls in a shower of sparks ("I KNEW IT!"). Again, this doesn't perturb the Committee at all; "We need to get another Micheal out of the warehouse; make sure he doesn't have the damned smile on this time").
Vic and Quilla escape to the topside wonderland of death, rape and desert. Vic immediately calls for Blood, but doesn't get an answer, and fears that he already left for Over the Hill. Quilla suggests trying to follow, but Vic doesn't know the way. But wait! Can it be? YES! Blood is really just behind the enterance, severely weak and near death; he never left Vic, maybe out of loyalty but more likely because he was left wounded on his own and couldn't find food for himself (which begs the question, as the smartest thing still alive, while his dog instincts for food are gone, shouldn't he be able to human-think himself a solution or something?) Quilla insists that she now loves Vic (in what I'm calling the General Hospital Syndrome) and that they can make their own lives. Vic doesn't want to leave Blood, and can't take him back to that projector village for food or help; in a scene we never see, the slaver that Vic stole from eariler overran and took it over, so now people are dead, or something, but it's not safe for them to go there ever again. The scene closes with a fade to black with Vic and Quilla looking at each other.
Sunrise, and we pan away from a cooking fire, with bits of fabric blowing just behind it. Vic and Blood make conversation, the usually bickering they usually do, and start to walk off. Vic mentions that Quilla said that she loved him. Blood says he doesn't know about that, but "at least she had good taste" and they share a laugh, walking out into the desert just the two of them, a boy and his dog.
Recommandation
Oh my fucking god, this was a horrible movie. How this was ever made, or how this was ever given a green light, I'll never know, and this is taking into account 70's horrible movie standards. This is everything a grind house flick incapulates, little to confusing story, disgusting characterization, no budget at all, and just concepts that just make you feel dirty when you realize what's going on.
You should never, ever watch this movie... alone. By all means, get some friends together and just laugh and make fun of this piece. Better yet, get drunk and make fun of it, because staying sober will just fuck with your mind. This thing has no right even existing execpt to be ridiculed. And in that, it is a fun time.
But never alone.
My Thoughts
You know, this really isn't, at it's core, a bad story. It's actually really decent in scope, and I like what it plays with. And maybe the book it was based off of is better than this, but this was just... jeezus. If this could be remade, it might well make something awesome. Granted so much would need to be fiddled with to even approach mediocre, but there's still a seed in there.
When you get to the Down Under part of the film, it really does feel like a whole different movie. My first thought was that they made one film but didn't finish, tried to start something else, but then had to combine the two to make anything out it. And that's not totally fair, it does (kinda) all come together, but it's just so haphazad about it. Scenes in the beginning made no sense, had nothing to do with anything the followed, or were so esoteric that even when they did have plot relevance, you don't care because you have nothing to match it too until it's too late to really matter.
And the makeup; I still have no idea why they wore mime makeup. It's never explained, just "there". It adds to the weirdness, sure, but so did Oompa-Lumpas, and at least they made some fucking sense.
And Vic... my god, what a disgusting horrible person. And he's the fucking hero! I'm all for having a villain-protaganist, or someone not of good character, but the guy's just a one-note walking penis. His whole train of thought of doing something is how is he gonna get laid by this? The dog had more moral character, and he was an asshole too! At least he was a funny asshole, Vic just makes you wish he had died. If ever a movie needed a "downer" ending.
I don't regret having seen the film, I just regret watching it.
A Boy and His Dog is a 1975 post-apocolyptic sci-fi movie. With telepathic dogs, whiplash inducing third acts, and a unrepentant rapist as your main character.
What the hell did I just watch.
***
What.
The fuck.
Here's the quick rundown on how this even came about; I, my roommate, and friend of ours had tried to go get sushi; that's didn't pan out. We go to the friend's place, have buffalo seqwers (which were excellent), and eventually we watched some TV. He has Netflix, so we watched some Bizarre Foods (Putcak, Thailand, and Hawaii), and then my roommate got a hold of the remote. What made him pick this movie, I'll never know, but we watched it.
Movie Summary
God, I don't even... alright. Here goes.
The first things we see is just a montage of a bunch of atomic bomb explosions. Then two quick blurbs that have absolutely nothing to do with each other; "World War IV lasted five days" and "Politicians have figured out how to remove urban blight". The first one, while irrelivant, at least figures into the movie. The second has shit one to do with anything that follows.
Set in an alternative history (we know this because it's mentioned that Kennedy survived his assassination and that after one new president, his legacy went on to take the next five or six terms; also, for a precise date (as if you would even come close to caring), an alternative title for the movie was Apocolypse:2024) the world is almost nothing but desert. People (overwhelmingly male), struggle to survive in harsh conditions, many digging down into bunkers to escape the heat. Also, just to bring you up to speed here, it seems that most everything is covered in sand, because those bunkers are actually buried buildings of various kinds.
Our
Vic's whole reason for living, turns out, is to get laid. Blood helps with this, by being able to scan or sniff out females, of which few are still alive; I guess the theory is that while the menfolk were out at war, the womens were bombed by the mutually assured destruction, so... yeah. But while Blood wants (or at least says he wants) to look for better pasture, where he calls "Over the Hill", Vic believes this is as good as it gets and doesn't want to leave his beloved barren wasteland.
This is so very much a no-budget 70's movie. The first third is absolute filler, nothing happens, it's vaguely scene setting but nothing happens, and really you only grow to hate Vic and everything he is. He steals food (granted from a slaver, but still), his only thought is finding his next piece of ass, and really that's it. Blood, being smart, tries to impress upon him facts and history, but doesn't see the point. It's a crapsack world, but why you would root for this guy is just mind boggeling.
Anyway, back to the
Blood, at Vic's ever present badgering, finds that one of the patrons is female. She's breathing, which is good enough for Vic, and they follow her to another bunker. I'll mention quick that "screamers" live there, but what they are and what they do is never mentioned. If anything, they're the coolest part of this movie, but only because they sound so much more awesome than what we're actually watching, even a Z-grade level monster costume would make it better. I'm getting off track again...
Okay, Vic goes down into what I guess is a warehouse of some kind (I thought it was a high school myself, but Wiki says otherwise), where for some reason the girl decided to get naked. It might've been a locker room, there were lockers around her, except a) she wasn't wet so she didn't bath, b) you never saw her until this point so you don't know why she changed, and c), most importantly, being a 70's movie there needed to be a part where you saw 70's titties. Here you go. Oh, and some 70's bush if the light's right. All for the people, baby.
For some stupid ass reason, Vic waits until she's almost completely redressed to attack; he has two pistols and a rifle, as well as total surprise, and he waited until, you know what, fuck it. He grabs her, there's a quick little wrestling, and he points a gun at her and tells her to undress. *headdesk* I guess while the movie needed some boob action, they were on a strict booby allowence, and they needed to save for the sex scene later, I don't know.
He starts to be Rapey McRapist, when Blood sense that they are surrounded by a gang of... somebody. Raiders, good as anything. Well, it doesn't matter really, we know that they have a dog of their own (I guess all dogs now are of the telepathic kind?) who I guess was the one who found the female as well, so basically it's a pussy fight. Vic manages to kill several of them as they try to enter, while Blood gets into a fight with the other dog, breaking a leg and getting some good gashes, but lives. I mentioned the screamers eariler; Vic uses the fact that everyone is a moron and starts to make screamer... screams. It scares off the raiders, allowing him to win. Except that as he pats himself on the back and starts to get back to his penis poking, the screamers really do show up. So he, Blood and the girl (named Quilla June, whatever) hide in a blower room filled with mattresses. Why there are mattresses in there, or why is it so perfect, I don't know, but really are you even paying attention? It's sexing time!
Yes, Quilla is all "You tried to rape me, but then you killed other men so you wouldn't have to share, so now I love you" on him, and they bump uglies. At least three times, it's implied a lot of time goes by and we get the wonderful image of the mattress Blood is lying on shaking. Lovely.
Moving on. Quilla talks about where she's from, a place called "Down Under" and wants Vic to come with her. Vic says no, but seems to have second thoughts at the same time (the second thoughts coming from the only head he uses in this film), while Blood doesn't trust her. At some point Vic is knocked unconcious by Quilla (why at this point is just another drop in the bucket) who runs off, but leaves behind a keycard to get into the Down Under.
Why, exactly, I don't know, but Vic decides to go after her. Or to her. Or... something. Blood really doesn't Vic to go, refusing to follow, but says he'll stay by the door for a few days before leaving on his own to "Over the Hill". Vic goes in.
I'll mention this quick, because it's one of those things you question as you watch; the world is covered in sand or dust or whatever. Everything is buried. Okay, I'll go with that. The enterance into the Down Under is a metal electronic keycarded door on the surface of the dirt, no digging or anything. Why is this door here? How did the people who built it know where the sand would level off? It's a metal rhomboid in the metal of a fucking desert, why is no one camping out to see when someone enters/leaves?
So Vic enters and climbs down what looks like what might have been an empty missle silo. My guess was it was an old James Bond set no one was using. He wanders around past a lot of electronic crap, lots of pipes, in and out of hallways and doors, never seeing anyone at all, and I keep asking myself "how does he know where he's going? Better yet, why is he not lost?"
Yes, I know, this is hardly a "summary" anymore, but I can't shorten this, I'm just trying my best to comprehend what I experienced last night.
This is where things go batshit. Vic goes through one door (or walked into it, I'm still not sure) and comes to a speaker on post, talking (what exactly it says at any given point it hard to say, it's incredibly difficult to make out what it's saying clearly) to seemingly a cemetary.
And then we cut to Vic be man-handled in a bathtub. Seriously, what the fuck movie?!
I'm not kidding, we go from kinda quiet, dark cemetary straight to Vic getting a scrub down in a bathtub by a large man dressed in Hee-Haw overalls and plaid shirt with straw hat, wearing white mime and rosy cheek makeup? And everyone watching him getting bathed is wearing the makeup? And we get all these scenes of suburban 50's lifestyle with a marching band in the middle of potluck, and everyone is wearing the makeup and the speaker is going nonstop, and CHIRST WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?! We entered another movie, that it's it's a totally different movie. There's no comprehension, just some fucked up director Alzheimer's, where he forgot what the fuck movie he was making just one scene ago?!
Okay, calm down, deep breaths... okay, whoo, alright.
Ahem.
Vic, now dressed in identical Hee-Haw wear wanders the pot-luck looking shingdig, followed closely by the large guy who constantly makes him keep walking, because Vic is constantly trying to see everything around him (mainly the many, many
Cut to some dour looking people (made impossible to take seriously with that freaking mime makeup on) reciting a bunch of boring rules, regulations and/or laws. Three of them are in power, called the Committee, running the underground "city" of Topeka, one of whom Quilla is the daughter of. Turns out it was her plan all along to lure Vic down to the Down Under, by order of her father. Boring dialog later, the whole deal with them is they've been down there for some long unknown time, most likely before the fallout above. They keep things strict and orderly, and the Committee is power mad, killing off anyone who is deemed a possible threat in any given way, by way of "accidents" or "sent to the farm". But a side effect of them being down in the artifical world so long is the guys are sterile. I'd question why only the men are sterile but the women still fertile, but I'm long past giving a crap. They need Vic, or Vic's sperm really, to keep up their way of life by impregnanting 35 of their women.
(oh, almost forgot, the dog I mentioned in the pot-luck? He was sentenced to death, because I guess he too was a telepathic dog and the Committee insists that the dog tell them whatever he told Vic. The dog never talks (ever) so it looks like a crazy man demanding things of a small dog, but hey, it's his underground distopia and he'll do what he wants)
This, of course, delights the hell out of Vic, who sees it as all the sexing he could want, and is gun-ho about it. Cut to him bound, gagged, and hooked up to what can only be called a milker, with a sour looking wedding going on just inches away. He is to be milked, and when the women are cum-flushed, he'll be killed. First good thing I've heard about him.
Quilla, meanwhile, is quite angry with Daddy. She was told (aka lied to her face) that by going topside and bringing back Vic (why him imparticular I don't know, but it is actually him specifically they're after (it makes sense (sorta) when you remember pointless scenes from the beginning)) she would be made part of the Committee; and she will "when a position opens", meaning that she's gonna get married off to shut the fuck up woman. She and three of her friends want to kill the Committee and take the power, but they need Vic and his guns. As we're soon shown, they can easily get the guns themselves, so why they need him at all I still don't understand, but I'll run with it, there's only fifteen minutes left.
Quilla frees Vic from his penis pump, and they cause a minor panic by running down the middle of a hallway full of people and yelling; almost over, almost over. But not before Vic grabs a bunch of random bottles and jars from the room he was kept in; maybe it's just the foraging way, grabbing what he can, but nothing he grabbed looked at all usefull and he wouldn't know what to do with any of it anywayI'm giving this too much thought.
So they get his guns back while Quilla explains the plan to kill Micheal first, since he's the muscle ("Kill him, don't just wound him") and then the Committee and then Quilla will rule them all, bwah-ha-ha-ha. Ha. Vic doesn't give a shit, and wants to just leave. He is, however, willing to take Quilla with him. Why exactly... well, which head does he think with?
In typical 70's fashion, they run past a pre-set lamp and chairs, and hide behind some trashcans, well in view of the chairs. Quilla's friends, three guys who get no names and are useless anyway, also "hide" well within sight (and indeed, short walking distance of) the chairs. The three Committee members come out, hardly fazed at all by what's happened so far, sit down and begin to read aloud. They read off the deaths of the group with little less care of telling a five-year old "that's nice dear". Micheal then begins to kill the group, hardly going far at all, and crushes their heads (not even some nice fake heads and goop, I feel cheated) as they don't even try to run away. Take a page from Night of the Living Dead, Micheal doesn't run but kinda stumbles forward in a somewhat quick manner while Vic and Quilla run, but that hardly gives them any distance. Vic shots Micheal many, many, many times, but doesn't seem to affect him at all ("He's a goddamn robot!" yells my friend). Finally Vic get him in the leg, which is apparently Micheal's weak spot, and he falls in a shower of sparks ("I KNEW IT!"). Again, this doesn't perturb the Committee at all; "We need to get another Micheal out of the warehouse; make sure he doesn't have the damned smile on this time").
Vic and Quilla escape to the topside wonderland of death, rape and desert. Vic immediately calls for Blood, but doesn't get an answer, and fears that he already left for Over the Hill. Quilla suggests trying to follow, but Vic doesn't know the way. But wait! Can it be? YES! Blood is really just behind the enterance, severely weak and near death; he never left Vic, maybe out of loyalty but more likely because he was left wounded on his own and couldn't find food for himself (which begs the question, as the smartest thing still alive, while his dog instincts for food are gone, shouldn't he be able to human-think himself a solution or something?) Quilla insists that she now loves Vic (in what I'm calling the General Hospital Syndrome) and that they can make their own lives. Vic doesn't want to leave Blood, and can't take him back to that projector village for food or help; in a scene we never see, the slaver that Vic stole from eariler overran and took it over, so now people are dead, or something, but it's not safe for them to go there ever again. The scene closes with a fade to black with Vic and Quilla looking at each other.
Sunrise, and we pan away from a cooking fire, with bits of fabric blowing just behind it. Vic and Blood make conversation, the usually bickering they usually do, and start to walk off. Vic mentions that Quilla said that she loved him. Blood says he doesn't know about that, but "at least she had good taste" and they share a laugh, walking out into the desert just the two of them, a boy and his dog.
Recommandation
Oh my fucking god, this was a horrible movie. How this was ever made, or how this was ever given a green light, I'll never know, and this is taking into account 70's horrible movie standards. This is everything a grind house flick incapulates, little to confusing story, disgusting characterization, no budget at all, and just concepts that just make you feel dirty when you realize what's going on.
You should never, ever watch this movie... alone. By all means, get some friends together and just laugh and make fun of this piece. Better yet, get drunk and make fun of it, because staying sober will just fuck with your mind. This thing has no right even existing execpt to be ridiculed. And in that, it is a fun time.
But never alone.
My Thoughts
You know, this really isn't, at it's core, a bad story. It's actually really decent in scope, and I like what it plays with. And maybe the book it was based off of is better than this, but this was just... jeezus. If this could be remade, it might well make something awesome. Granted so much would need to be fiddled with to even approach mediocre, but there's still a seed in there.
When you get to the Down Under part of the film, it really does feel like a whole different movie. My first thought was that they made one film but didn't finish, tried to start something else, but then had to combine the two to make anything out it. And that's not totally fair, it does (kinda) all come together, but it's just so haphazad about it. Scenes in the beginning made no sense, had nothing to do with anything the followed, or were so esoteric that even when they did have plot relevance, you don't care because you have nothing to match it too until it's too late to really matter.
And the makeup; I still have no idea why they wore mime makeup. It's never explained, just "there". It adds to the weirdness, sure, but so did Oompa-Lumpas, and at least they made some fucking sense.
And Vic... my god, what a disgusting horrible person. And he's the fucking hero! I'm all for having a villain-protaganist, or someone not of good character, but the guy's just a one-note walking penis. His whole train of thought of doing something is how is he gonna get laid by this? The dog had more moral character, and he was an asshole too! At least he was a funny asshole, Vic just makes you wish he had died. If ever a movie needed a "downer" ending.
I don't regret having seen the film, I just regret watching it.
no subject
on 2011-02-02 08:40 pm (UTC)