I Make a Liar of Myself
Sep. 30th, 2010 07:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ravensweptRyan stared at her from where he sat, spinning the scalpel tip on the back of the reversed chair while his propped elbow supported his chin. This was going slower than planned.
He stood and walked over to where she hung crying and handcuffed over the exposed pipe, her ankles shackled to the floor so she wouldn't kick at him again. He absently ran the back of a finger over her collar bone, flicking the blood that got wiped up just as absently. Jani - her name was Jani, he reminded himself - flinched away at the physical contact and pathetically tried to look around through her tear stained blindfold. The design on the back of her neck wasn't wrong, but it Ryan couldn't yet see where it needed to go to be right.
He thought about stopping for the night, but that pull inside nagged at him to start at least one more part of her before cleaning the trickling blood off her body and the soaked hair from the floor. It was only the second night, after all. No rush. But still, the pull.
Like the others, Ryan had buzzed and shaved her head down to fuzz; no need to clean shave her quite yet, he still needed to know where her hairline ran. The razor could come out after the neck work was done. Jani hung naked on display to him, though he took no real pleasure from her form, beautiful though it was. No, Ryan was far more interested at the spiral pattern he was seeing swirl across her skin at the moment. He had already captured some of the design on from under her jaw, down the back of her neck and across the spine, but then the unseen curves twisted off cruelly and he had to pull back, least he ruin the work. As he walked around her for another pass, Ryan noted the blood lines running between the cleft of her breasts; he'd need to clean her soon or the scars wouldn't heal correctly.
Jani hung from her bindings, padded and soft as to not cut or strain her wrists. Her body still shook from her silent sobs, having long ago lost her voice to unheard screams and cries for help. Each tremor reopened and closed the fresh cuts engraved on her neck sending more crimson fluid seeping down her skin. She had asked before he started why he was doing this to her, why her of all people. She choked on another sob, remembering his answer;
"Because you are meant to be beautiful."
Dropping the surgical blade to the table, Ryan sat down in frustration. Usually he could predict how these things would go, know how the pattern would most likely appear to him on the skin. With Jani, he'd assumed incorrectly with her Asian features and pale skin that he would be stenciling numerous small sharp shapes in lines across and down her, and was ready to do research of whatever logograms he needed to be true to her heritage. But no, instead the spirals grew from down from her neck like reverse growing ivy; well, not quite, he thought. He'd already followed an ivy pattern.
He sighed and let his eyes glide down her body. Ryan could see how it would all come together; how the last twirl of the glove on the left arm would end at the webbing between her ring and middle finger. How from the legs it would all bloom out from the inside of her thighs and circle around to curl and cup her cheeks. How the already cut start along her jaw line would fold together and form an intimate choker just above her sternum. How careful he’d need to be when it came to the soft finer points under her eyes to the temples, the lone ringlet that would fade down from her lower lip to coil her pointed chin. The devil in all this was the details. Detailing, rather.
The metal rattle of Jani’s chains shook him from his lazy dream of her complete form. Ryan reached for a water bottle and unscrewed it, stepping up to her.
“Drink,” he said, holding the opening to her lips. “You need to drink, or else you’re body’s going to go into shock. And I don’t have the equipment or skill to help you then.”
Jani’s lips wrapped around the mouth of the bottle, greedily drinking so much and so fast that most ended up washing out the sides of her mouth. When it was empty, more of it running with the blood than down her throat, she gasped out, “I w-want to go home.”
“You will,” he assured her, “I have no intention of keeping you here.”
“P-please don’t kill me,” she said even softer than before.
Ryan chuckled heartedly. “Trust me, I have no plans on killing you.”
“Then w-why am I here?” She could only turn towards the sound of his voice, and even that movement was rather weak after what she’d already been through. But she’d felt just the tiniest bit better not just hanging helpless like a rag doll.
“I already told you, you were meant to be beautiful. I’m merely trying to help you achieve that.”
“By k-kidnapping me?”
Ryan sighed. “Well, yes. Had I tried to explain to you what you could be, would you have believed me or just thought I was crazy? I’ve tried that route before, and let me tell you I don’t get far with it. So, like the last few times, I simply cut to the chase.” He grabbed another water bottle and held it to her. Jani took her time with this one, actually swallowing instead of grasping at gulps. “If it helps, you’ll only be with me a fews months or so. I’m not going to starve you, and you leave fully healed.”
“You cut my hair.”
“Shaved it, actually. And you'll be completely bald later on. Though I have to say that it’s kinda strange that that’s what you choose to focus on right now.”
“It was down to my w-waist. I’d b-been letting it grow since my m-mom d-d-died,” her words turned back into fresh sobs, her whole body shaking.
“I am sorry about that,” Ryan said, wetting a nearby rag with some of the water and softly blotted her cheeks, “I didn’t know. But still, for this process to work in the end, you needed to be cleaned and refreshed so to be born anew. A new slate, down to the quick.”
Jani started to breath more quickly, a little more heavily, and tried feebly to move herself away from him. “P-please don’t rape me.”
“Good god, I’m not going to rape you! No, god no, I’m not some kind of monster, why would you think that?”
“I’m n-naked, and shaved, and b-blind, and chained up, what exactly a-am I s-supposed to think?”
Ryan let out another heavy sigh. “Well excuse me, but I have no intention of violating you like that. I'm simply going to do what I have to do while making sure you don’t get any infections or come to harm, then I let you go. Speaking of which,” and Ryan reached up to slip the blindfold off. He dabbed at her blinking eyes to clear them of tears, letting her eyes adjust to the light.
“You. Y-you’re the guy from-”
“Hmm-mm, that’s right. Sorry about the scare earlier.”
“W-why would you let me see you?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I can’t keep you blind the whole time, not when I need to work on your face at some point,” she flinched away when he mentioned her face, “and I don’t feel like leading you around everywhere like you're some dog, because you're not, so I don’t see the point in it. Besides, you don’t know who I am really. You don’t know where you are. And after we’re finished together, you’ll eat some food laced with something that will make you sleep for a while, and then you’ll wake up as if from a dream. Or maybe a fairy tale. Somewhere public, anyway, so you’ll be found quickly enough. And you’ll never see me again.”
She started to tear up again, so Ryan just moved away and started to toss the extra scalpel blades into the tray. She needed a moment to calm down, figure out he wasn’t going to hurt her, and right now was a good a time for that as any, inner pull be damned. He couldn’t see where he needed to go, so there was no point in trying to force it.
He bent down to unlock Jani’s ankles, when he saw it. Right there in front of him, Ryan felt like an idiot for missing something so obvious. It would mesh with the spiral lattice along her obliques and ribs later, but for now the pattern had stopped moving and settled into what he soon carve into reality; from near the armpit, Ryan saw clearly the interweaving twists trace along and down the undercurve of her right breast, circling up and across the mound to finally spiral around the areola to the nipple. Ryan chuckled to himself as he dropped the chain, quickly moving to the table to apply a fresh blade to the grip shaft and grabbed a fresh rag from the pile, wondering how any straight male could have missed an area like that.
“What, what are you doing?” Jani’s now visible eyes grew wider as he moved in closer as she tried to arch herself away from him.
“Sorry, but the night’s not as over as I thought,” he said, pulling a short stool over so he could rest a knee on it. “Try not to move so much this time, please? We don’t want to make a wrong cut here.” He bent over in concentration, setting the tip of the blade just under the peak of projection.
“Please, please don’t, please don’t, please, please, please,” and Jani screamed as he traced a long curve from the centered darker circle of flesh around the mammary, blood quickly spilling from the open engraving. Ryan pulled the blade back as her body wracked with new sobs, making a quick wipe across the breast to clear the majority of the blood, then gently braced her chest before bringing the metal back to flesh. He had more larger spirals to block off before turning to the finer details later, and he didn’t need her shaking so much. There was still a lot of work to do before this part was done.
He stood and walked over to where she hung crying and handcuffed over the exposed pipe, her ankles shackled to the floor so she wouldn't kick at him again. He absently ran the back of a finger over her collar bone, flicking the blood that got wiped up just as absently. Jani - her name was Jani, he reminded himself - flinched away at the physical contact and pathetically tried to look around through her tear stained blindfold. The design on the back of her neck wasn't wrong, but it Ryan couldn't yet see where it needed to go to be right.
He thought about stopping for the night, but that pull inside nagged at him to start at least one more part of her before cleaning the trickling blood off her body and the soaked hair from the floor. It was only the second night, after all. No rush. But still, the pull.
Like the others, Ryan had buzzed and shaved her head down to fuzz; no need to clean shave her quite yet, he still needed to know where her hairline ran. The razor could come out after the neck work was done. Jani hung naked on display to him, though he took no real pleasure from her form, beautiful though it was. No, Ryan was far more interested at the spiral pattern he was seeing swirl across her skin at the moment. He had already captured some of the design on from under her jaw, down the back of her neck and across the spine, but then the unseen curves twisted off cruelly and he had to pull back, least he ruin the work. As he walked around her for another pass, Ryan noted the blood lines running between the cleft of her breasts; he'd need to clean her soon or the scars wouldn't heal correctly.
Jani hung from her bindings, padded and soft as to not cut or strain her wrists. Her body still shook from her silent sobs, having long ago lost her voice to unheard screams and cries for help. Each tremor reopened and closed the fresh cuts engraved on her neck sending more crimson fluid seeping down her skin. She had asked before he started why he was doing this to her, why her of all people. She choked on another sob, remembering his answer;
"Because you are meant to be beautiful."
Dropping the surgical blade to the table, Ryan sat down in frustration. Usually he could predict how these things would go, know how the pattern would most likely appear to him on the skin. With Jani, he'd assumed incorrectly with her Asian features and pale skin that he would be stenciling numerous small sharp shapes in lines across and down her, and was ready to do research of whatever logograms he needed to be true to her heritage. But no, instead the spirals grew from down from her neck like reverse growing ivy; well, not quite, he thought. He'd already followed an ivy pattern.
He sighed and let his eyes glide down her body. Ryan could see how it would all come together; how the last twirl of the glove on the left arm would end at the webbing between her ring and middle finger. How from the legs it would all bloom out from the inside of her thighs and circle around to curl and cup her cheeks. How the already cut start along her jaw line would fold together and form an intimate choker just above her sternum. How careful he’d need to be when it came to the soft finer points under her eyes to the temples, the lone ringlet that would fade down from her lower lip to coil her pointed chin. The devil in all this was the details. Detailing, rather.
The metal rattle of Jani’s chains shook him from his lazy dream of her complete form. Ryan reached for a water bottle and unscrewed it, stepping up to her.
“Drink,” he said, holding the opening to her lips. “You need to drink, or else you’re body’s going to go into shock. And I don’t have the equipment or skill to help you then.”
Jani’s lips wrapped around the mouth of the bottle, greedily drinking so much and so fast that most ended up washing out the sides of her mouth. When it was empty, more of it running with the blood than down her throat, she gasped out, “I w-want to go home.”
“You will,” he assured her, “I have no intention of keeping you here.”
“P-please don’t kill me,” she said even softer than before.
Ryan chuckled heartedly. “Trust me, I have no plans on killing you.”
“Then w-why am I here?” She could only turn towards the sound of his voice, and even that movement was rather weak after what she’d already been through. But she’d felt just the tiniest bit better not just hanging helpless like a rag doll.
“I already told you, you were meant to be beautiful. I’m merely trying to help you achieve that.”
“By k-kidnapping me?”
Ryan sighed. “Well, yes. Had I tried to explain to you what you could be, would you have believed me or just thought I was crazy? I’ve tried that route before, and let me tell you I don’t get far with it. So, like the last few times, I simply cut to the chase.” He grabbed another water bottle and held it to her. Jani took her time with this one, actually swallowing instead of grasping at gulps. “If it helps, you’ll only be with me a fews months or so. I’m not going to starve you, and you leave fully healed.”
“You cut my hair.”
“Shaved it, actually. And you'll be completely bald later on. Though I have to say that it’s kinda strange that that’s what you choose to focus on right now.”
“It was down to my w-waist. I’d b-been letting it grow since my m-mom d-d-died,” her words turned back into fresh sobs, her whole body shaking.
“I am sorry about that,” Ryan said, wetting a nearby rag with some of the water and softly blotted her cheeks, “I didn’t know. But still, for this process to work in the end, you needed to be cleaned and refreshed so to be born anew. A new slate, down to the quick.”
Jani started to breath more quickly, a little more heavily, and tried feebly to move herself away from him. “P-please don’t rape me.”
“Good god, I’m not going to rape you! No, god no, I’m not some kind of monster, why would you think that?”
“I’m n-naked, and shaved, and b-blind, and chained up, what exactly a-am I s-supposed to think?”
Ryan let out another heavy sigh. “Well excuse me, but I have no intention of violating you like that. I'm simply going to do what I have to do while making sure you don’t get any infections or come to harm, then I let you go. Speaking of which,” and Ryan reached up to slip the blindfold off. He dabbed at her blinking eyes to clear them of tears, letting her eyes adjust to the light.
“You. Y-you’re the guy from-”
“Hmm-mm, that’s right. Sorry about the scare earlier.”
“W-why would you let me see you?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I can’t keep you blind the whole time, not when I need to work on your face at some point,” she flinched away when he mentioned her face, “and I don’t feel like leading you around everywhere like you're some dog, because you're not, so I don’t see the point in it. Besides, you don’t know who I am really. You don’t know where you are. And after we’re finished together, you’ll eat some food laced with something that will make you sleep for a while, and then you’ll wake up as if from a dream. Or maybe a fairy tale. Somewhere public, anyway, so you’ll be found quickly enough. And you’ll never see me again.”
She started to tear up again, so Ryan just moved away and started to toss the extra scalpel blades into the tray. She needed a moment to calm down, figure out he wasn’t going to hurt her, and right now was a good a time for that as any, inner pull be damned. He couldn’t see where he needed to go, so there was no point in trying to force it.
He bent down to unlock Jani’s ankles, when he saw it. Right there in front of him, Ryan felt like an idiot for missing something so obvious. It would mesh with the spiral lattice along her obliques and ribs later, but for now the pattern had stopped moving and settled into what he soon carve into reality; from near the armpit, Ryan saw clearly the interweaving twists trace along and down the undercurve of her right breast, circling up and across the mound to finally spiral around the areola to the nipple. Ryan chuckled to himself as he dropped the chain, quickly moving to the table to apply a fresh blade to the grip shaft and grabbed a fresh rag from the pile, wondering how any straight male could have missed an area like that.
“What, what are you doing?” Jani’s now visible eyes grew wider as he moved in closer as she tried to arch herself away from him.
“Sorry, but the night’s not as over as I thought,” he said, pulling a short stool over so he could rest a knee on it. “Try not to move so much this time, please? We don’t want to make a wrong cut here.” He bent over in concentration, setting the tip of the blade just under the peak of projection.
“Please, please don’t, please don’t, please, please, please,” and Jani screamed as he traced a long curve from the centered darker circle of flesh around the mammary, blood quickly spilling from the open engraving. Ryan pulled the blade back as her body wracked with new sobs, making a quick wipe across the breast to clear the majority of the blood, then gently braced her chest before bringing the metal back to flesh. He had more larger spirals to block off before turning to the finer details later, and he didn’t need her shaking so much. There was still a lot of work to do before this part was done.
no subject
on 2010-10-01 03:11 pm (UTC)Interestingly, the most effective details are the kind like Jani mentioning how long she's grown her hair. At moments like that, I can really feel the horror of the situation, despite it being told from Ryan's POV.
Something to consider, and I'm projecting here, so grain of salt and all that: if Ryan is extremely exact and focused on realizing his artistic visions, so to speak, maybe he'd be a bit more worried about his canvas squirming unexpectedly and ruining the graceful curve of a cut? I'm kind of surprised he doesn't sedate her or knock her out.
Overall, I like.
no subject
on 2010-10-01 05:38 pm (UTC)"the most effective details are the kind like Jani mentioning how long she's grown her hair"
^.^ Hurray! I didn't even think about it really when it first came out, but I love that detail too, it added a lot of depth to everything somehow.
"he'd be a bit more worried about his canvas squirming unexpectedly and ruining the graceful curve of a cut"
Damn it woman, madness has no need of your logic! This is not logic, this is art!
I did think about that after it was wrote, and it does come off as too "dirty" for how he feels. I don't like the exposed pipe bit, it makes it feel less precise and planned. Then again, he is crazy. If I had to hazard a guess, he has her like that because he wants to see the whole picture, and if she's restrained to a table he can only see half of it. Though I'd think he'd have a better way of doing so by now, it's not like Jani's his first.
As for why he doesn't sedate her, that's one of those details that's a little haunting. When applying tattoos, piercings or any other form of body modification, it's actually illegal to sedate or anathesisize the person or area you're working on, because the artist needs to know how the body reacts. The body can only take so much at a time, and every body is different, so the person needs to be fully aware at all times. Ryan, strange as it is, is merely adhering to procedure.
That and it's creepier to let her scream and cry to the cuts and blood.
Creepier still, I think as it goes on Jani grows to like it.
no subject
on 2010-10-01 05:52 pm (UTC)Fuuuucked up yet intriguing. I've always wondered why more horror movies and novels don't take that route.
no subject
on 2010-10-01 06:22 pm (UTC)*ponders, looking very deep and wise*
Dunno. Most of the time the victims are killed off so that probably puts a damper on it. Saw has the first apprentice, but that was more about inflicting than recieving.